Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The little things....

I used to run away from the sun. On beach days I made sure Amadeo packed the beach umbrella so I could veg under it the whole time while at the beach. Now, I live for that sun to just shine on me. Every morning when I wake up, I thank God (literally) for another day with my family. I stare at my children longer, I smile at my husband more often. I've become an even BIGGER hugger! I say "I love you" more often. I've been asked, "what is your secret for looking so healthy during chemo?" Honestly, it's my attitude and my diet. I have never been healthier, ironically. I eat greens every day, I laugh often and I put all the negative energy into the hamper and all the good energy I keep it stored close to my heart.

Going through this is not a walk in the park, but I also know that it can be worse. I recently visited a friend who is going through a divorce and she was sharing her story and the pain she is going through. She stopped and said that her divorce was nothing compared to what I was going through. I told her that we both were mourning....she was mourning her marriage and I was mourning my health. People don't know what to say when you are going through something like this. I often find myself reassuring friends and family that I am okay and that this will pass. I have seen people cry for me and it hurts my heart to see another human being hurting for me.

Cancer sure has shown me just how loved I am. I have made so many friends since I moved out to California and I have been amazed at how many of those friends truly care about me. I have also lost one....but it was more of an acquaintance. I made a joke about a comment she posted on her Facebook and next thing I know...she de-friended me. My comment wasn't bad, i was just being silly. Nothing offensive either, just silly. Isn't there some ethical code that you can't de-friend someone while they are going through chemo? I mean, wait at least unil I am in remission, for goodness sakes. It truly showed me that her heart was not in the right place for our friendship.

My husband has been my rock. I can't imagine going through this alone or without the support he gives me. He takes over when I can't get out of bed. He makes me laugh and he makes sure I know how much I am loved by him. I remember when I was in the hospital and he leaned over to give me a kiss and he said he wanted to hug me so so so tight but he didn't want to break me. My heart just melted. At that moment I knew just how bad he wanted his wife to be healthy again.

God has put a great Oncologist in my path as well. He is not only brilliant, but a good person. He makes sure he sees me before my chemo treatments. He never lets me wait too long in the waiting area. He returns calls pretty quickly. He is making chemo go as smoothly as chemo can go. I feel so fortunate to have been able to have him as my oncologist. Thankful for Amadeo's boss who referred us to him.

I know now more than ever that God has a plan for me. He put all these friendships in my path for a reason. I have the family I have for a reason. This Cancer is in my body for a reason. Maybe I inspire someone to laugh more often, hug more often or smile more often. Whatever it may be, I will just keep doing what I'm doing. Living.