Bartender, pour me another.....

When I went into this site to create a blog, I realized that I had forgotten to post this post. Read on!

On Wednesday, December 28th, I got a mammogram. My oncologist saw something on a CT scan I got a few weeks ago, and wanted to see if it would show up again on the mammogram. This test SUCKS! There's just no other way to put it. Your boobs go through torture! Waiting to be called was torture. Did the mammogram and then got called back because the nurse felt I needed to do another mammogram on my left breast. Shit! This just made me so nervous. I just kept thinking that it would be my luck to have Lymphoma AND Breast Cancer. After the nurse did the ultra sound, she said that she was going to have a radiologist take a look at them. I just threw my hands up in the air and told her "I can't do this anymore,  just have the results sent to my Oncologist and he will go over the results with me". The nurse insisted I wait and that she would walk me down to the radiologist so that I could go home with the results right there and then. Oh, okay. Yes, it's better that I know now that I have Breast Cancer, and then drive myself to a brick wall!! Yes, I like that idea better. So, I'm waiting and as I'm sitting there I'm thinking to myself, that boobs are so overrated. I mean, really. Who needs them, I'm just cutting the darn things off and burning my bras!  Woohoo!! Bra burning party! Finally get called in to see the radiologist. I walk into the radiologist's office and she doesn't even close the door, even though  there is a patient right outside her office. She says with a smile, "it looks like you have something on your left breast...and it's pretty BIG. But I'm not worried about it, I think it's benign. I just cried and walked out mad as HELL. Got in my van and felt like driving it over a bridge. I was speeding and driving like a  crazy woman. I was mad, simply pissed off. Scared out of my mind and I needed a drink. I drove for half an hour until I got to a restaurant with a bar. I told the waiter I was hungry and needed a cocktail. I ended up ordering three appetizers and a VERY STRONG DRINK! Amadeo texted me and asked if I was okay. I told him I was very upset and that I was having a drink and needed time to cool off.  I finally cooled off. But not before I did some therapy shopping. While I was at Macy's, there was this little boy about 6 years old, running around like crazy and I just nodded my head. I was trying on hats and this kid was driving me nuts. So, I waited for him to run around me again. I took off the hat and with my bald head, looked at him and made a scary face. The poor kid saw me and he went from acting crazy to complete silence and walked over to his mom. I know, that was mean, but I was upset and figured I would put my semi bald head to good use.

I drove home and as I parked the van in the driveway and looked up at my house, I realize that things could be worst. Then my phone rings and I see that it's a friend who is recently divorced. Yes, things could be worst. I answer the phone. She goes on and on about how bad she feels that it's over and that wishes she had a child to distract her from this pain. What? Seriously? I remain calm and in my calm voice say, "you are divorced, get over it. No kids, get over it. And a distraction? Honey, I have Cancer. I am bald and I just might have breast Cancer now. How's that for a distraction?" After we broke the guilt with laughter, we both apologized for complaining about our lives and both agreed that we didn't want to be in each other's shoes. That's life, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit.

I walk in the door, and Amadeo greets me with a hug and the kids are laughing and playing and life just doesn't seem so bad.

It turns out that the lumps in my breast are not tumors. So yay for that!  Oh, and I returned everything I bought, the very next day. LOL!